


this oughta bee good

by abby10



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M, Save the bees, Social Media AU, Texting, an exploration of how many bee puns i can fit into one fic, texting au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 19:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abby10/pseuds/abby10
Summary: James Potter: i need to see her again. i need to win her overSirius Black: well short of you either joining my chem class halfway thru the term or developing a sudden interest in beekeeping, ur outta luck m8James Potter: sirius… my best friend…. you know how i have always cared deeply about the bees. they are dying after allSirius Black: lol this oughta b goodSirius Black: bee good that isTexting AU: When you meet the love of your life at the uni's beekeeping society featuring an excessive amount of bee puns, Furbys, and the Rocky theme song





	this oughta bee good

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a post on tumblr about beekeeping and it turned into this fic. Enjoy!

**Remus Lupin** to **Fittest Freshers Flat 4 Life** : _Why are there bees in the flat???_

Sirius Black: _new number who dis_

James Potter: _bees?_  

Sirius Black: _^thats my favorite card in cards against humanity lol_

Remus Lupin: _SIRIUS, WHY ARE THERE BEES IN THE FLAT?!?!_

Sirius Black: _why r u assuming its me?? this is profiling and i wont stand 4 it_

Peter Pettigrew: _the bees rnt mine_

James Potter: _pete you have to get one of us to kill the bugs in your room dont worry we know its not you lol_

Remus Lupin: _Sirius, you are the only one dumb enough to bring a box of live bees into this flat. Even James has more common sense than this._

James Potter: _inspiring vote of confidence thanks m8_

Sirius Black: _how do u even know they r bees?_

Remus Lupin: _The buzzing is a big hint. As is the “iwantbees.co.uk” logo on the side of the box._

Sirius Black: _alright so u know how im in the uni’s beekeeping society?_

James Potter: _since when??_

Peter Pettigrew: _omg y would u ever want 2 be around bees_

Sirius Black: _BECAUSE THEYRE DYING PETER_

Remus Lupin: _I thought you were joking when you said you joined beekeeping?? You were serious??_

Sirius Black: _*sirius and almost always ;)_

Sirius Black: _anyway we needed a new colony so i volunteered to order it. always looking 4 excuses to spend my familys not at all hard earned money_

James Potter: _of course_

Sirius Black: _but i maybe possibly definitely forgot to unmark the “shipping address is same as billing address” box. so. here we are._  

Remus Lupin: _You’re going to give me more heart problems than I already have. Please remove the box of stinging insects from the flat ASAP. Peter won’t come out of his room until they’re gone._

Sirius Black: _consider it done_

 

\--- 

 

 **Sirius Black** to **Chemistry Redhead** : _hey ur in the beekeeping society, right?_

Lily Evans to Sirius from Chem: _yeah ofc i am. save the bees and all that_

Lily Evans: _why?_

Sirius Black: _so i need a favour_

 

\--- 

 

 **Lily Evans** to **The Favourite(s)** : _hey you all remember sirius, right?_

Marlene McKinnon: _that fit guy who comes over to borrow your chem notes sometimes?_

Lily Evans: _that’s the one_

Dorcas Meadowes: _yeah he and his mates are in my writing module. they’re a laugh_  

Lily Evans: _okay cool so i just agreed to do him a favour_

Dorcas Meadowes: _( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)_

Lily Evans: _ew omg no not like that he’s so not my type_

Marlene McKinnon: _he’s exactly my type so feel free to give him my number ;)_

Lily Evans: _hard pass. i share a wall with you. enough said_

Mary Macdonald: _so what’s the favour?_

Lily Evans: _you know how i’m in the beekeeping society?_

Dorcas Meadowes: _hard to forget it after the great honey surplus™ last term_

Mary Macdonald: _i could barely look at honey until well after christmas_

Lily Evans: _you’re all weak_

Lily Evans: _but anyway, sirius ordered something for the society and he asked if he could keep it here for like… just a few hours this afternoon while he’s in class. then he’ll pick it up and take it to over to the hives_.

Marlene McKinnon: _he can pick me up and take me over ;)_

Lily Evans: _ffs marlene keep it in your pants_

Dorcas Meadowes: _fine with me_

Dorcas Meadowes: _the storing something here for a few hours. actually also marlene keeping it in her pants_

Lily Evans: _great! and remember, it’ll only be here a few hours so just… keep that in mind_

 

\---

 

 **Mary Macdonald** to **The Favourite(s)** : _BEES???_

Mary Macdonald: _THE THING HE IS KEEPING HERE FOR A FEW HOURS IS A BOX OF LIVE BEES?!?!_

Lily Evans: _now mary, please keep in mind that they are dying and we are nothing without them_

Dorcas Meadowes: _lol_  

Mary Macdonald: _DORCAS HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS_

Dorcas Meadowes: _my mum went through an exotic pets phase as part of her mid-life crisis. but since she didn’t want to actually pay for any exotic pets, she just got a tarantula who i ended up mostly taking care of. im chill with insects and such now_

Marlene McKinnon: _what time is sirius coming to collect them?_

Lily Evans: _a little after 4 i think. like i said, just a few hours!!_

Mary Macdonald: _YOU ARE ON THIN ICE LILY EVANS_

Marlene McKinnon: _ugh i won’t be back by then_

Lily Evans: _oh yes what a shame_

Lily Evans: _also quick sidebar: black’s friend who came with him to drop the bees off is super fit_

Dorcas Meadowes: _which one? tall with specs, skinny and blondish, or the short one?_

Lily Evans: _tall with specs_

Dorcas Meadowes: _yeah i could have guessed lol. he’s def your type. cute face, gangly limbs, and seriously dorky_

Lily Evans: _hmm interesting… well fingers crossed i see him again sometime!_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Klaus** : _i think im in love_  

Sirius Black to Legally Blind: _james…. i never knew you felt this way <3_

James Potter: _oh piss off im talking about your beekeeping friend_

Sirius Black: _lily?_

Sirius Black: _lol shes so out of ur league_

James Potter: _rude but not untrue_

James Potter: _but like actually shes the girl of my dreams. shes beautiful and funny and she had a spiderverse tshirt on and im in love_

Sirius Black: _good 4 u_

James Potter: _i need to see her again. i need to win her over_

Sirius Black: _well short of you either joining my chem class halfway thru the term or developing a sudden interest in beekeeping, ur shit outta luck m8_

James Potter: _sirius… my best friend…. you know how i have always cared deeply about the bees. they are dying after all_

Sirius Black: _lol this oughta b good_

Sirius Black: _bee good that is_

 

\---

 

 **Sirius Black** to **Chemistry Redhead** : _thx again 4 keepin the bees at urs_  

Lily Evans to Sirius from Chem: _no prob! anything for the bees!_

Sirius Black: _do u know when the next meeting is?_

Lily Evans: _this friday i think_  

Sirius Black: _okay cool_

Sirius Black: _and uh… how mad would fabian be (bee lol) if i brought someone new along?_

Lily Evans: _probably pretty mad. he’s been quite hostile to newcomers since snape almost destroyed a colony when he was stalking me after our fight_

Sirius Black: _lol good times. his face puffed up so bad_  

Lily Evans: _yeah he’s like properly allergic to bees and i also hate him so like why did he come_

Sirius Black: _anyway… i might bring someone to the meeting friday so fair warning_

Lily Evans: _i’ll back you up with fabian don’t worry lol_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Squidward** : _remus… my dearest friend… will you come with me to beekeeping on monday?_  

Remus Lupin to James Neutron: _Wtf_

Remus Lupin: _Why?? Sirius is bringing you!_

James Potter: _yeh but he knows everyone there already so i want another new person with me_

James Potter: _also i am in love with that beekeeping girl and sirius wont help me_

Remus Lupin: _I am not helping you terrorize some poor girl at a beekeeping meeting omg_

James Potter: _youre a rotten friend_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Peter Piper** : _peter… my dearest friend…_

Peter Pettigrew to Jams Paper: _not even 4 money_

James Potter: _worth a shot_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Squidward** : _ill make you those brownies you really like_  

Remus Lupin to James Neutron: _Deal._

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **Black and Yellow** : _i thought you were only bringing one person?? why are there three of them?? and why is one of them hyperventilating??_

Sirius Black to Evanzzzzzz: _i myself thought i was only bringing one until about 20 minutes ago. but here we are._

Lily Evans: _why are they all here?_

Sirius Black: _well james (the one u met @ ur flat) said hes here for the bees. but he got nervous about being new so he brought remus. and peter is dead afraid of bugs but didnt want to feel left out lol_

Lily Evans: _you should at least send peter home lol_

Lily Evans: _or have him meet up with you after the meeting_  

Sirius Black: _prob a good idea. ill suggest it_

Sirius Black: _annnnd off to the pub he goes_

Sirius Black: _majestic bastard_

Lily Evans: _impressed with how fast he’s running honestly_

Lily Evans: _oh shit here comes fabian good luck lol_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Paddington Bear** : _is that ginger guy always so uptight lol_

Sirius Black to Jimothy: _kinda lol. hes nice but hes wary of newcomers after snivellus came last term and snaped everything up_

James Potter: _so like… how do i get lily to notice me_

James Potter: _and then go out with me_  

James Potter: _and maybe someday marry me_

Sirius Black: _ambitious_

Sirius Black: _but not my problem lol. im here for the bees. remus is here for ur lady problems_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Chocoholic** : _so uh…. what do i do_ _lol_

Remus Lupin to Bad With Women: _You be quiet and listen to Fabian. This is actually quite interesting._  

James Potter: _noooo i mean about lily_

James Potter: _remus?_

James Potter: _remyyyyyy_

James Potter: _you are two seats down from me stop ignoring my texts!!_

Remus Lupin: _Have you considered oh I don’t know… talking to her?? Maybe after the meeting?_  

James Potter: _but what do i say??_

Remus Lupin: _Maybe invite her to come with us to the pub? Tell her she can bring her friends?_

James Potter: _orrrrr i get sirius to do it and wait until i have alcohol in my system to feel brave_

Remus Lupin: _Why do I even bother?_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **Remove the Furby from the Flat** : _hey so sirius invited me to the pub with his friends_ _and told me to invite my friends so this is your invitation. we’re going to the one across the street from the sainsburys and are heading there now_

Marlene McKinnon: _YES_  

Marlene McKinnon: _LET ME LOOK FOR MY LINGERIE_

Lily Evans: _also sirius’s friend james is super cute so like… anyone can feel free to wingwoman for me!!_

Dorcas Meadowes: _lol this is gonna be such a weird night i can’t wait_

Mary Macdonald: _yay! i’ll make sure we get going in the next 10 minutes because i don’t trust marlene to get ready quickly_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Pluto is a Planet Gang** : _how am i doing so far??_

Remus Lupin: _You’ve barely looked Lily in the eye the entire hour we’ve been here._

Remus Lupin: _So pretty much as expected._

Sirius Black: _stop hiding in the loo, do a shot of tequila with me, and then man up and talk 2 her. shes like the least intimidating person i know. she has a colour coordinated highlighting system for her notes lol_

Remus Lupin: _James, you remember what happened last time you had tequila_

James Potter: _pffft it was fine itll be fine lets do that shot sirius_

Peter Pettigrew: _i wanna do a shot 2!!_

 

\---

 

 **Peter Pettigrew** to **Lupus** : _think i hav a shot with dorcas from writing?_

Remus Lupin to Pumpkin Eater: _She’s a lesbian?? Like very proudly??_

Peter Pettigrew: _wait really?? r u sure_

Remus Lupin: _She literally shared a piece of writing in class the other day about her experience coming out!! As a lesbian!!! So yeah I’m pretty sure!!!_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **The Furby Has Been Removed** : _do you think james hates me?? he is barely talking to me_  

Mary Macdonald: _noooo i think he’s into you! he’s been looking at you a lot when you aren’t looking_  

Dorcas Meadowes: _potter is an odd bloke don’t worry he’s probably nervous_  

Marlene McKinnon: _yeah sirius says he thinks youre fit_  

Lily Evans: _okay im gonna keep trying to initiate conversations with him_

Lily Evans: _aaaaand peter is down for the count nvm_ _guess it’s time to call it a night_

 

\---

 

 **Sirius Black** to **Pluto is a Planet Gang** : _absolutely disgraceful behaviour last night peter. u were only at the pub for like an hour longer than us. u have brought shame upon this flat_

Peter Pettigrew: _sry!!! i think that tequila shot mixed badly with all the cheese i had b4 beekeeping_  

Remus Lupin: _Gross! Didn’t need that background info!_

Sirius Black: _also james– marlene put lily’s number in ur phone on the walk home last night. ur welcome lol_

James Potter: _YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR_

James Potter: _okay here goes nothing_

James Potter: _im gonna do it_

James Potter: _okay i mean it this time im doing it_

Sirius Black: _its been 20 minutes. do it or ill log onto ur icloud and do it 4 u lol_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Lily Evans ;)** : _hey! this is james from yesterday/last night. your friend marlene snuck ur number onto my phone haha_  

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **Why is There a Furby on the Roof** : _omg james just texted me!!!_

Lily Evans: _he said u gave him my number, marlene?_  

Marlene McKinnon: _lol guilty_

Dorcas Meadowes: _how was sirius?_

Marlene McKinnon: _really good but probably just a 1 time thing. we both give off too much chaotic bi energy to ever be more than FWB lol_

Dorcas Meadowes: _an honest and fair assessment of the situation. i respect it_

Lily Evans: _at least it was at his instead of ours_

Mary Macdonald: _have you texted james back yet??_  

Lily Evans: _ahhhh no i’m nervous!!_  

Dorcas Meadowes: _that boy did a writing exercise recently about how coming to terms with the fact that he may never be able to grow a moustache was like… one of the most consequential moments of his life. please do not allow him to make you nervous_

Lily Evans: _okay you’re right!! i’m a strong independent woman! i can text a hot guy back!_

Lily Evans: _no wait im scared_

Marlene McKinnon: _do it and ill remove the furby from the premises permanently. no loopholes_

Lily Evans: _DEAL_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **James Potter** : _haha hey! sorry she did that she doesn’t really have boundaries_

James Potter: _lol ive been best friends with sirius for years so i completely understand having a friend with no boundaries_

Lily Evans: _haha glad to meet someone who gets it. and also, as i hear, a fellow bee enthusiast_  

James Potter: _oh yeh. love the bees. so important. where would humans bee without them?_  

Lily Evans: _haha nice pun ;)_

Lily Evans: _how’s peter feeling this morning?_

James Potter: _alive haha which is all we can really ask for_  

Lily Evans: _very true. im bummed the night had to end early but glad he feels better!_  

James Potter: _yeah it was a fun night! we should all hang out again sometime!_  

Lily Evans: _definitely! i’d love to get to know you more ;)_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Insane in the Rembrane** : _SOS LILY JUST SAID SHED LOVE TO GET TO KNOW ME MORE LIKE ME SPECIFICALLY WITH A WINKY FACE WHAT DO I DO_

Remus Lupin to Jam Jar: _Ask her out?? Like a normal functioning person??_

James Potter: _AHHHH OKAY IM GONNA DO IT_

Remus Lupin: _Are you giving yourself a pep talk to the Rocky theme song?? I can hear it from the living room_

James Potter: _HELL YES I AM LETS DO THIS!!!_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Lily Evans ;)** : _would you maybe like to grab a drink sometime next week then? maybe take the mates out of the equation to prevent any sudden ends to the night?_  

Lily Evans to James Potter: _i’d love to :)_

Lily Evans: _want to go after beekeeping next week?_

James Potter: _yeh sounds great cant wait :)_  

Lily Evans: _can’t wait either :)_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **Furby Free Flat** : _I’VE GOT A DATE WITH JAMES NEXT WEEK!!!_

Mary Macdonald: _yay congrats!!!_

Dorcas Meadowes: _well done. i think you and james would be good together. youre both weirdos but like in fun socially acceptable ways_  

Marlene McKinnon: _if youre gonna spend the night with him, make sure to go back to his. their flat is insanely nice_  

Marlene McKinnon: _and good job on the date and all that. proud of you_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Pluto Is Not a Planet Sirius** : _I’M GOING OUT WITH LILY NEXT WEEK!!_

James Potter: _also i think im now a permanent member of the beekeeping society_

Sirius Black: _congrats m8_

Sirius Black: _on the beekeeping society thing. very important cause. also i guess on the date or whatever_  

Peter Pettigrew: _yay!! happy i didnt ruin ur chances_

Remus Lupin: _Glad to hear you managed to ask her out!_

Remus Lupin: _I also think I would like to be a permanent member of the beekeeping society. It was a really interesting meeting._

Peter Pettigrew: _i dont hav 2 be a member do i?_  

Sirius Black: _ur not allowed to be a member after yesterday lol_

Peter Pettigrew: _ok good_

 

\---

 

 **Marlene McKinnon** to  **Siriusly Hot** : _hey random question_

Sirius Black to Marlene McKiller: _whats up_  

Marlene McKinnon: _would you be interested in a furby? lily is making me finally get rid of it and i figured you could find some things to do with it._  

Marlene McKinnon: _its dead useful in driving your friends up the wall_  

Sirius Black: _WOULD I!_

Sirius Black: _hell yes bring that demonic thing over here. im gonna hide it in the ceiling lol_

Sirius Black: _and while we r on the subject, have you ever heard of the “longer furby”_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Lupin-ta Nyong’o** : _do you hear something?? like randomly making noise??_

Remus Lupin to Jamesie Lannister: _Okay yes I do. I thought I was going crazy._

James Potter: _it sounds like its coming from the ceiling_

James Potter: _im gonna check in my room_

James Potter: _nope nothing there_

Remus Lupin: _nothing in my ceiling_

Remus Lupin: _I’ll check the living room_

James Potter: _are you okay??? i heard a shout_  

Remus Lupin: _Furby…. in the ceiling…. I didn’t know their eyes glowed… I think I’ve looked into the face of pure evil…._

James Potter: _ill yell at sirius for you don’t worry. you have a lie down and ill make some tea_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Closet 1D Lover** : _lol nice one with the furby_

Sirius Black to Neopets Addict: _thx m8 i was pretty proud of that one_

James Potter: _but if remus asks i totally scolded you_

Sirius Black: _i gotchu_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **James** : _can’t wait for tomorrow :)_

James Potter to Lily: _same here :)_

James Potter: _ill see you at beekeeping <3_

Lily Evans: _see you then!! <3_

 

\---

 

 **Dorcas Meadowes** to **True Friends (by Hannah Montana)** : _marlene what the fuck is this thing  
_Attachment: 1 Image

Mary Macdonald: _omg that is horrifying_

Marlene McKinnon: _meet our newest flatmate: longer furby_  

Lily Evans: _it can have my room. im moving out._

Marlene McKinnon: _don’t worry i only get it half the time. i’ve got joint custody with sirius_

Dorcas Meadowes: _so you’ve moved from friends with benefits… to coparents of a demonic meter long furby_

Marlene McKinnon: _its closer to 2 meters actually. but yes essentially_

Mary Macdonald: _well text sirius and tell him its his turn with the kid!!! reg is coming over later and he might actually have a panic attack if he sees that thing_

Marlene McKinnon: _im sure reginald can handle it. have a little more faith in him._

 

\---

 

 **Marlene McKinnon** to **Co-Parent** : _lol can i bring the furby to yours? mary’s boyfriend started crying when he saw it. apparently he had a traumatic incident with a furby in his youth_

Sirius Black to Furby Mum: _lol havent we all?_

Sirius Black: _but yes bring him over i can use it to mess with james after the date tomorrow_

Sirius Black: _also can i have it for halloween this year?_

Marlene McKinnon: _lol that’s like 6 months away but yeah why?_  

Sirius Black: _i wanna dress up as britney spears’s iconic vmas performance with the snake but with the furby draped over my shoulders instead_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **Lily** : _you look really pretty today :)_

James Potter: _sorry i didnt get to say so earlier_

Lily Evans to James: _aw thank you :)_

Lily Evans: _yeah fabian is really strict about starting meetings on time. sirius should have known better lol_

James Potter: _im going to pay attention now because remus keeps giving me dirty looks but i am really looking forward to tonight :)_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **The Jonas Brothers (Including Frankie)** : _this is the best date of my life_

Remus Lupin: _Happy to hear it!!_

Peter Pettigrew: _yay i like her she was nice wen i was sick_

Sirius Black: _u gonna be bringing her back here?_

James Potter: _nah im just enjoying getting to know her for now. hoping for a kiss at the end at most_

Sirius Black: _lol probably for the best_

James Potter: _why do you say that??_

Sirius Black:  _no reason! have fun on ur date!!!_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **Non-Negotiable Furby Ban** : _this was the best date of my life!! he’s walking me home now!!_

Mary Macdonald: _yay!!!_

Dorcas Meadowes: _too cute. glad it went well!_

Marlene McKinnon: _we will have a bottle of wine waiting for the full date recap. red or white?_

Lily Evans: _ugh love you ladies. lets go red_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **The Jonas Brothers (Including Frankie)** : _walking home now after dropping off the most amazing woman ive ever met after the best date ever!!!_

Remus Lupin: _Glad it was a good night!_

Remus Lupin: _Did you get that kiss?_  

James Potter: _yes :)_  

Sirius Black: _lily is still out of your league but good job managing to convince her youre worthy_

James Potter: _okay im about to get in and am exhausted. proper catch up tomorrow?_

Remus Lupin: _Sounds good! Peter is already asleep anyway_

 

\---

 

 **James Potter** to **The Jonas Brothers (Including Frankie)** : _WHAT IS IN MY BED_

James Potter: _WHAT IS THIS_  

James Potter: _IS THIS A FURBY???????_  
Attachment: 1 Image

Sirius Black: _ah yes meet “longer furby”. hes marlene and i’s child. thought you could use the company in bed since lily isnt here_

James Potter: _i hate you so much omg_

Peter Pettigrew: _whatsgpn on_

Remus Lupin: _Go back to bed, Pete. Sirius is just being dumb._

Remus Lupin: _And if that affront to nature ever finds its way into my room it will be destroyed_

Sirius Black: _copy that_

 

\---

 

 **Lily Evans** to **James <3**: _i had a really great time last night :)_  

James Potter to Lily <3: _me too :)_

James Potter: _wanna hang out again soon?_

Lily Evans: _i would love to :)_

James Potter: _great :)_  

Lily Evans: _so glad beekeeping brought us together <3_

James Potter: _we especially have to save those bees now after what they’ve done for us <3_

Lily Evans: _bee still my heart <3_

James Potter: _bee mine? x_

Lily Evans: _it would bee my pleasure x_

**Author's Note:**

> (Please do yourself a favor and look up "Longer Furby" it's truly incredible and I literally laugh out loud whenever I see it. Also my uni really did have a beekeeping club so sorry if the existence of such a group sounded weird but it is indeed based on real life)
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! Feel free to leave a kudos, comment, or bookmark. I will love you forever!!!
> 
> Come chat with me at my main blog (pareidolian.tumblr.com) or my fanfic sideblog (abby10fanfic.tumblr.com) xx


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